HOLY COW

I have to admit here that I lied about my departure date so that I could have a little quiet time before I actually left, so I'm sorry about the delay in this post. I actually only left DC on the 8th of Feb.
Leaving DC was hard. Part of me was terrified of coming here because I know my ego will be destroyed. I'm leaving a boy and, with Ma's grace, will return a man. I've felt Mother's hand in helping me though. From being gently, but nonetheless firmly, pushed out of my living situation, to providing me with a truck that held all my stuff EXACTLY (you should have seen this packing job), to providing me with last minute funds and (!) a ticket to India, Mother has made everything possible and THEN SOME. The coincidences were too many to list.
I arrived in Paris (my French is better than I knew! good thing since parisians are notoriously snobby about speaking english) and took a train straight to Frankfurt where I had darshan (meeting of a holy person) with Mother Meera, an incarnation of Divine Mother whose simple picture started me on this whole path. You can see Her too at: http://www.inthelight.co.nz/spirit/mothermeera/meera.htm
You see, before I saw these amazing eyes, I was, like all Westerners, convinced of the supremacy of science and the intellect, and would never ever under any circumstances consider having a 'guru' and the thought of worship was absolutely assaulting to my sensibilities. In the West, we worship science and the intellect. It's true that in the Highest, the Divine is formless. But good luck developing a relationship with the formless!! Amma Meera broke me of this, when I met Her I knew I had seen God in human flesh, She confirmed everything I had asked Her during hours and hours of staring at Her picture-- She REALLY was hearing me the whole time! I know it's hard for some Westerners to understand, but can you imagine having the ability to meet God (for you) in the flesh? To be able to call God on the phone and ask a question through Her secretary? If you can then you understand my intense desire to make this pilgrimage. Nothing in the entire Universe could mean more to me.
This was my third pilgrimage to have Mother Meera's sacred darshan. My four days of darshan with Her were intense. I got there two hours early because I was that eager to be in the front of line (which is useless because the staff seats you where they intuitively feel you should be anyway), and I met a chap from England who ended up being an angel sent to me by Mother-- he invited me to stay with him at his hotel, saving me over two hundred dollars which can go a long way in India! I could really feel Mother's hand in this too; this was his first experience with Mother so I was able to help provide him with some experienced perspective, and I got to relive the first experience through him. I love the spiritual path! You meet so many lifetime friends so quickly!
My first darshan, Mother gave me quite a fierce look. I had so many toxins in me from the past four years in DC, She meant business! I cried so much, I wish I could give words to the longing I feel to be close to Her! The second darshan I found myself surrendered to Her, and when She looked in my eyes, there She was again. My deepest innermost friend whose been with me always. The third darshan was quite auspicious as it was the full moon. Amma came out in a blazing red and orange sari, and meditating before my darshan that night I went through every possible emotion. I felt like a child throwing a fit of every sort, doing anything to get attention. When Ma pointed this out to me inwardly, I let go and found a deep inner silence which carried me into Her lap for darshan. After staring in those infinite eyes this time, I feel She finally had me cleansed and back to where I should be before this pilgrimage to Mother India. The fourth and final darshan I simply asked for Amma's blessings on this journey, and Her eyes that night told me of great challenges to come-- not exactly a relaxing premonition, but coinciding these experiences exactly was a book Mother gave me through a friend I knew in Germany (who I met in DC and who is going there in two weeks! :) ) called "Of Water and Spirit" by Malidoma Patrice Some. Check this book out, it's marvelous. About the tribal initiation of an African Shaman, it seemed that everything I was exeriencing corresponded with exactly where I was reading in this book. Mother was telling me through this narrative what EXACTLY I'm to look for in India. She re-affirmed the dangerous nature of it, but also reassures me constantly that She is with me. So, still terrified, I caught an overnight train back to Paris and then flew to Mother India last night.
Holy Cow doesn't even begin to express what India is. I just got here, and it's an assault on the senses in every way possible. How blessed is Mother India!!! Sri Karunamayi, the third of my Mother gurus and who I am coming here to see, said that when I land in India that I should immediately pranam (bow) and touch this sacred land which has been blessed since time immemorial by thousands of holy rishis and saints. I didn't have a choice, the sacred light I felt coming out of the soil here brought me to my knees. Hopefully I'll find Her soon, I need to get out of this internet cafe!
All I can think is thank You Mother.
Thank You Mother.
With your grace may I come to know who I truly am. In sacred silence will I live and breathe that knowledge.
JOR SE BOLO, JAI MATA KI!!